come back, alice!

3.03.08

vague recollections of going to a church, it was filling up with people, and i was with my family- a husband and son- along with a couple others, maybe friends? relatives? we took up about half the pew. our coats were in a pile beside us, and more people were filing in. i picked up our coats to make room, and went to hang them. i remember walking down the side aisle with this bulky bundle of outerwear, thinking it was a bit unwieldy, past the other pews filling with people, and through a hallway, toward a large foyer, where there were coat racks with hangers. i noticed then that the pile of coats was actually half of a big layered wedding cake, but it was made of a combination of papers, like paper mache' and tissue. it was white with blue trim, and had some silver dangling sequins or flashing somethings that sparkled here and there at the edges of each tier. i remember thinking they moved like dangling earrings on a woman as she walks .

as i walked with it, i saw janet fox waiting for me, leaning on the glass case in a front-desk type of area. the foyer was quite spacious, with a very high, bright ceiling and seemed like a large white entryway to a museum. she was smiling, and it was clear we had planned to meet there. the paper cake i had been carrying was the Torah. inside it, all of space was infinite and empty. “ you need some help with that?” she said. i explained to her that it was, in fact, very light, since it was infinitely empty! but, yes, it was a little unwieldy. we giggled and she stepped to take a corner..

i wondered how i could be carrying infinite space , since that would suggest the impossible, as i would be outside of space, and one cannot be outside of the infinite, but then i realized it was because it was perfectly empty. it was about then that i knew i was dreaming, so i pondered this quickly, how i could be in a space that was filled with locations, carrying a space that was filled with emptiness.

i awoke and waited for an answer. the only thing that came to me, later, was from a drawing i had made on a card to meg and zeb. it poked out at me from a pile of papers on my desk. it’s a heart, made from a continuous line: at the bottom is a little loop, and at the top, in between the two matching lobes, is another. a mobius heart. the one lobe reflects the other.
to see infinity in a grain of sand indeed. what’s in that quantum foam?

the manifestation of being is truly, to my understanding, dependent on the void.