lavender and violets

Last night, I dreamed I had an apartment in Chicago. It was a place I was excited about, as it was all my own, and I could use the whole thing as a private studio. I could set up work stations for writing and painting, and I longed to go there. The problem was of course, that it was so far away!

I was thinking this over, figuring the cost of gas to get there and back, and whether I could spend weekends there. This seemed feasible, as my family could get along without me quite easily, and I needed a few days at a time to concentrate. But, being in another state, it still seemed prohibitive. Apparently, I was thinking about this while riding up to Chicago in the back of a pick-up truck, in the pouring rain. This bothered me, so I hopped out, and headed back to square one. I think I had a blue rain poncho on.

The problem of trying to work in a space where others were also living, and the problem of thus feeling suffocated by proximity were at issue, as well as the lack of finances to extend an independent facility to myself. I found these issues slightly annoying, and pondered them disinterestedly. These were not things I could concentrate on, while thinking about the work that was calling me. I wondered at what point in life I had succumbed to the notion that I could not or did not have what I needed, and how it had escaped me, but I knew that I knew the answer.

The last thing I remember was rolling tobacco with dried lavender and violets, and looking at my hands.

Looking at one's hands while dreaming is a technique for developing a level of communication with the unconscious used in the practice of lucid dreaming.